Read Sex, Sin, and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything in Between by Brad Warner Free Online
Book Title: Sex, Sin, and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything in Between|
The author of the book: Brad Warner
City - Country: No data
Loaded: 1537 times
Reader ratings: 6.8
Edition: New World Library
Date of issue: October 12th 2010
ISBN 13: 9781577319115
Format files: PDF
The size of the: 677 KB
Read full description of the books:
I popped this book's cherry.
There are a lot of great options for how to start this review so I guess maybe it will just keep restarting.
On my review of warner's last book I gave one sentence summaries of his books, to continue this practice this book basically is saying:
"keep your grubby hands of my god damn practice you bastard."
This is why I love brad Warner. Also the what makes you not a Buddhist guy. I can't be part of a spiritual practice. I cannot be attached to a moral dogmatism that claims to know better than I do. I was simply not raised that way. Or I suppose in reality I didn't raise myself that way. I never so much lived by rules as made them up. Yeah I have strong, if strange, morals. But as almost a uniform group they were made up by me between the ages of five and ten. I don't need god to tell me what to do and it bugs me when he tries. There was a joke about me growing up among my friends that the best way to get me not to do something was to act like you wanted me to. This was true. Brad Warner is like me, he just isn't a rules kind of guy. He says in this book without his teacher who cursed he wouldn't have felt pure enough for Buddhism. Well without Mr. Warner I wouldn't have felt "grouply" enough to be a Buddhist. Given, when I have gone to a sangha it hasn't been zen it has been theravaden, Noah levine type theravaden in fact. But this wasn't so much that it felt like the right place but that I knew no one was going to try to talk me into a god or reincarnation. Basically it was that I thought I already agreed with enough that I could pretend there wasn't a gigantic gulf between them and my personal desires for five miles of personal space and ten miles of intellectual space. (at one point school we were forced to do a practice group therapy session I was the only person who had to be told to join the circle and then to complain about not having enough room. Now in therapy I'm sure these are common in patients. In training therapists not so much). Brad Warner is my boy because he makes me feel like my personal inability to belong actually isn't something I have to overcome for my religion (thankfully since I don't think I could).
I told bernie brad Warner was my boyfriend. She believed me it was funny. But he is definately on the scale with Kundera and yalom of guys that I will be in love with no matter what.
I actively date. Apparently these days this isn't common. I get why. It's hard, but you know what once in a while it's worth it. I mean the moment you realize the person next to you hates the band as much as you do, the look on someone's face when they realize that there is a connection, throwing something at somebody and having them not get mad. These are not things I am willing to give up. However as Ben folds says there is a problem of "selfless, cold, and composed". Anyone who knows me in a friend sense might not see this. But there is a level not unrelated to the independence I was talking about earlier that causes a lot of problems in relationships, not so much for me but for the other person. The average advice I get about this: "they aren't your problem." perhaps that is true. But I am my problem and my effect on the world is my problem. I have a date Tuesday, yesterday a friend offered to teach me how to act like a girl for my date (a male friend). This was a nonsolicted offer and I turned it down, for reasons directly related to my Buddhism. I am not willing to create a conceptual picture of myself that I can't fulfill. Not to say I don't act like a girl, I am a girl and I don't believe in gender stereotyping so. However, his meaning was probably more along the lines of I will check if your skirt is short enough and tell you the right answers to his questions. I have gotten this before. When leaving work for a date a few weeks ago I was asked what I was going to wear because apparently what I had on wasn't "Datey" enough. Well I don't have a datey side. "I am what you see, I'm not what they say. But if I turned out to be could you live anyway." in reality everyone is both these things. Things people say about me they say for a reason because they seem true to them. But I Also am not faking my personality this is it. That is because faking it does more harm then good. Let's say I "act like a girl" whatever that means and on the third date I get sick of acting. Someone gets hurts. I can't be blamed for those people who insist on projecting fantasies on me but I can be blamed for playing into them or not bothering to correct them. I am my actions and i dont want to be the kind of person that leaves a trail of broken men, it isnt my idea of fun. This brings us back to Ben folds and "selfless cold and composed" this is a song referencing those people who can be exceptionally nice because they don't really care(or they are too empathetic to everything to come down to one emotion) I don't mesn this as a bad thing. Basically there is a separation in the chain between feelings and emotions. They have feelings but these never get quite strong enough to change the outside actions. I think of two examples:
1. A guy will dump a girl and cry. The girl says same here and walks away.
2. A girl is upset and a guy offers to help, she says no I'd rather go for a run.
Clearly I have done both of these more than once. They can be done vindictively but I don't do them that way. This really comes down to a level of distance. I am probably upset under both circumstances but buddhism allows you to cash in your feelings in ways that work for you. Warner calls this compassion. This is the ability to listen to the moment and feel right action then take it. That takes care of the taking care of me side but what about the other person. Well I believe this is just like the projections issue it is my responsibility to say, "hey man I am not going to act the way you expect a girl to. I won't cry. I won't fight. And I'm not going to talk about what's wrong." I could say it is a guys job to understand me. However, I strongly believe in "do no harm" and the thing about relationships is they cause a lot of harm and it is easy to get too deep before you realize the harm you've caused. I know it seems demeaning to explain to a guy that he won't like me or I'm going to disappoint him, but I think being a little demeaned is better than being a lot broken. I think in reality if people were more open in saying this is how I am and this is what I like then we would all be in a lot less trouble in all relationships. Listen closely i am not saying people like this arent liked, they just arent right for everyone, you have to find the type of person you can create a "perfect love" with (tom robbins not warner, he also suggests cheese cake as a way to make love stay, that is a great idea especially if it is chocolate cheese cake) Everyone doesn't have to like you, everyone doesn't have to think you're sexy. It would be nice but it is not going to happen. Because of that we need to realize relationships can do harm to both parties(remember the guys that were crying while they dumped me two paragraphs ago?). And if people can potentially get hurt we shouldn't take these things lightly. Warner says "casual sex should next be approached casually" I think he is right. What ever practices you follow feel free but be open so that another person knows what they are agreeing to. Be honest say, "you're hot I'd like to fuck you then fuck that girl in the corner after I'm done with you" you might not get laid but you'll get a lot more respect in my book. Sex is by no means the only time this is an issue but it is an extremely important time that we can extrapolate the rest from.
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Read information about the authorBrad Warner is an ordained Zen Master (though he hates that term) in the Soto lineage founded in Japan by Master Dogen Zenji in the 13th century. He's the bass player for the hardcore punk rock group 0DFx (aka Zero Defex) and the ex-vice president of the Los Angeles office of the company founded by the man who created Godzilla.
Brad was born in Hamilton, Ohio in 1964. In 1972, his family relocated to Nairobi, Kenya. When Brad returned to Wadsworth three years later, nothing about rural Ohio seemed quite the same anymore.
In 1982 Brad joined 0DFx. 0DFx caught the attention of a number of major bands on the hardcore punk scene. But they soon broke up leaving a single eighteen second burst of noise, titled Drop the A-Bomb On Me, as their only recorded legacy on a compilation album called P.E.A.C.E./War.
In 1993, Brad went to Japan to realize a childhood dream to actually work for the people who made low budget Japanese monster movies. To his own astonishment, he landed himself a job with one of Japan's leading producers of man-in-a-rubber-dinosaur-costume giant monster movies.
Back in the early 80s, while still playing hardcore punk, Brad became involved in Zen Buddhism. The realistic, no bullshit philosophy reminded him of the attitude the punks took towards music. Once he got to Japan, he began studying the philosophy with an iconoclastic rebel Zen Master named Gudo Nishijima. After a few years, Nishijima decided to make Brad his successor as a teacher of Zen.
In 2003 he published his first book, "Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth About Reality." In 2007 he followed that up with "Sit Down and Shut Up," a punk-informed look at 13th century Zen Master Dogen. His third book is "Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate."